Hear Zain's Theme Song
Draft Zain Velji for Liberal Leader
A New Voice for a New Era
The Liberal Party needs a fresh perspective, and we've found it in Zain Velji – a man who has definitely, absolutely, positively never even glanced in the direction of another political party. Ever. Like, not even once. We checked.
Why Zain?
His lifelong, unwavering Liberal credentials are so pure, they make Justin Trudeau look like a Conservative (This is definitely a real fact and not something we just made up) He's so Liberal, he was born wearing a red onesie (We have no proof of this, but it feels true) His first words were "sustainable carbon pricing" (According to sources who wish to remain anonymous)
Platform Highlights
- Will bring back the long-form census, but make it longer. So much longer.
- Promises to personally high-five every Canadian voter (subject to scheduling availability)
- Pledges to make strategic voting an Olympic sport by 2026
- Commits to ensuring every government document uses at least three languages nobody speaks
Testimonials
- "Zain is the most Liberal person I've ever met. Trust me, I'm a person quoted on a website." - Anonymous Supporter
- "I once saw him walk past a Conservative Party office, and he didn't even look inside. That's commitment." - Definitely Real Person
Get Involved
Join the thousands* of Canadians (*number may be adjusted for inflation) who are rallying behind Zain Velji's hypothetical leadership bid. Because nothing says "Ready for Leadership" like a campaign website made by people who may or may not have ever met him.